3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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