i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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