She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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