I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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