this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
