She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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