I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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