All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
