I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
