hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
