He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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