well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
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