Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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