Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize