I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
