wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
