I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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