Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
