I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
a search helicopter?!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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