Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I came so hard my ears popped.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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