oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
