So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
