haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
