My first STD was from a foam party
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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