She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
