the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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