what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
