____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
