We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
