His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
