bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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