I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
