dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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