My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If that was your dad, he is hot
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Houston, we have a squirter
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
