you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
