Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
