Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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