I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
