"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
