so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
