4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
