the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
