she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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