fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
