Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
