Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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