Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ladies don't puke and tell
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
