how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
