I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
