I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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