My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize