dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
