mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
