Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
