i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
