we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
