Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
