I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
