Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
