HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
