This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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