I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
