i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
