I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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