What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
