Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize