so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
